o i ruined it.. I ruined the marraige i ruined my wifes trust and eventaully the trust of my kids.. inj tragic decision.. I writing to as a message that probably doesnt need to be told to people to most of the people but i it might as well be told to some of you . curious folk and a other looses.. like me..i say that as a statment heart thumping truth a matter of fact..I have eventually exepted..

Phone call day Its friday Phone call day.. Phone from the mcdonalds in branson. Total call lengh 3-4 min.. My oldest stared back at school.. Gossh I am proud. hes big and not much to complain about with him. he is patient with me. as i Grasp at straws sometimes.  can imagine how it looks as i flounder to try as still be as hero a cool guy as I make acall  solo in the booth at the 1 of 3 mcdonalds in Missouri, I use free wifi and make the most of my money with unlimted soda refills. ( iknow its killing my teeth) Somewhere my phone is lost again. My story is extra tragic to a level that i often cant cope with with any sort of patience..  the result and fallout i deal with is that my ex got the car.. in the divorce ans was awared the sole legal custody.. I could work.. pay to a massive hit as i had to find work i could walk too... she moved 900 miles away.. when they tell you that the wife cant move out of state.. its not true if you are pennysless to stop it or beating yourself up if she tells you its best for the kids you do what ever to stop feeling the shame of you mistake

Be Still...

Sometimes we are faced with a multiple of choices. Do I stay or do I go. This way or that. And often there is no clear choice. But often we forget the choice of not choosing, of being still waiting and know that he is God. That very thing happened to me this morning. Any choice would have been right or at least not wrong as far as I was able to comprehend. But instead I choose the choice of not choosing. I have often heard its the worst ( when deciding to jump left or right out of the way of a moving car waiting can be the difference between life and death) Its better to do something than nothing but thats not always true. That nothing can be the greatest of somethings when you are choosing to be still and know that God is God.

the beginning of something

I just watched twp people fall in love. Two people brought together in total randomness. (or Gods Sovereignty) ok maybe not love, but sparks definitely flew. He is a youth pastor in Dallas, super nice guy skinny a little awkward in braces. I learned per our conversation that he was saved about 10 years ago from a pretty rough past. Drugs, theft. I didn't even notice her. She was very attractive and sitting right behind me so I probably should have. I got on the plane in my own world, disappointed about something meaningless I am sure. I knew when I sat down that he was a pastor and he was going to want to talk to me and I wasn't in the mood. But I also knew God had put him there for a reason. The conversation wasn't long. I learned that he didn't like flying and I saw him do a lot of praying. We became friends. I gave him a blanket and patted him on the back reassuringly when the turbulence got rough. In the end it was a good flight. I felt refreshed (which doesn't happen much on planes). As we stood to exit the plane They spoke to each other. Someone asked someone how the fight was. As friendly as he was with strangers I imagine it was him. She looked hispanic. she answered in English and then returned the favor. "How was your flight" she said in a thick columbian accent. "Bien." he said in spanish. Sparks! I laughed. It was joyous to watch. You speak spanish she said. "Si. Come te`Llamas" he asked" They continued to speak. She is in the states to be a house keeper. She is beautiful. On any other day she would have been out of his league, but today it was meant to be. She asked his name, he gave her a card. "This your number she said". He was clueless I actually had to tell him after we got off the plane to go back and get her number or email or something. It was a beautiful thing to watch. I wonder if I will shoot there wedding someday.

Isn't it interesting. It seems that the things that we lack or should lack in (maybe because of poor upbringing or neglect) our scars and emptiness because of our biggest hurts can, without God's healing being the thing we drain the most from others, or with his healing be the greatest source in our cup for others. Our empty spots become divots or cups or reservoirs for him. Gods generous portions, his abundance in the places where we are empty, spill into those that are around us. Those cups that are so deep can be so generously filled that, we have an urge to take up a life cause, to help rid the world of that pain or neglect. This is one of Gods ways of doing his part for a world that has turned from him in so many ways. He wont change it or crush it or kill it, or force it to be something against its fallen will. But for those that ask for it, Gods healing is abundant and when given the opportunity to give and poor into his lost creation by someone that asks for it, he will knowing that when he does the extra drops with spill into others that didn't ask, but probably need it anyway.

Don't Think to much

Dont just sit around and think to much.... your son has the dogs leash in his mouth.

(Something i recently said to myself while working on this blog)

realization of my Stress as Photographer and Business Owner

When texting a freind and fellow photographer recently she said that she prayed for the day when i felt like my head was above water. Then it came to me and I said to her, (and thus reminded myself) "Its always above water, when my eyes are on the prize. I am like Peter, bold, eager and getting myself into situations that are more than I can handle. Which is a good place to be as long as I remember that's what I meant to do." Photography and Business ownership and leadership in general partially are venues for me to be Christ to others in my sphere of influence. I have been overwhelmed recently by the stormy sea I should be walking on.

-Jeremy

Quotable Quote

When you have the chance to do something ordinary, you should take the chance to do something extrodinary.

-Jeremy Lawson